Sunday, September 26, 2010

8 Things That Maketh Not The Lady

1. Tattoos.

Tattoos used to be the colouring of soldiers, sailors, mafiosi and punk rockers. About ten years ago, they became fashionable. The lower-middle classes started taking them up. Unfortunately, unlike last years' shoes, tattoos can't be taken to the thrift shop and disposed of.

To a certain class of person, tattoos are 'cool'. To another, they are a graffito on the temple of the soul. They mark a woman definitively as lower class, alienated, depressed, and a bit daft. They're also a handy way to identify one absolutely to the authorities. Which shows how stupid some crooks are.

The same goes for piercings. My family are farmers. I associate nose rings with bulls, and piercings with cattle tags. They are a haven of dirt, infection, and their openings look unsightly.

With tattoos and piercings, before you've opened your mouth, you've already typed yourself to people you meet.

2. Highlights and streaks.

Are you blonde, or brunette? Make up your mind! These might have been novel ten years ago. Now they just look common. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes. A healthy head of untinted brunette or raven dark hair is a pleasant novelty these days.

It is true that blondes have more fun. I used to be one! Most people on the planet are dark. A non-blonde with blonde hair looks 'interesting'.

Now this fashion is done to death, however. If they're doing it in Romford, it's buried!

3. Big hoop earrings.

Unmistakably part of the wardrobe of the gypsy. Which is fine if you are one. Strangely popular. Perhaps they're to make the wearer's head look smaller. Add them to the features above, and an unattractive type emerges.

4. Binge drinking.

Binge drinking, squawking and falling over in the street is hilarious if you are the one doing it. If you are the spectator, it's less so.

5. Visible G-string.

This is erotic, no doubt about it. Unless you haven't the figure to pull it off. Likely to provoke a reaction of 'Mother of G*d!' when adorning the pasty, blemished buttocks of the 'full-figured' young lady. Bad diet, no exercise, five-pints-a-night, then 'peek-a-boo!'. Agggh!

I used to wonder why so many saucily-dressed young ladies walked the streets hatchet-faced. Now I now. Half are trying to ward off unwanted vulgar advances from men, the other half are annoyed they're not getting any!

There's nothing sexy about contrived, blatant eroticism. What's erotic is what seems to be an accident. 'A glimpse of stocking is something quite shocking' etc.

Likely to irritate female co-workers also. Assuming your company allows such clothing. It doesn't? I wonder why?

6. Swearing.

Your gentleman friends might find this amusing, to your face. What they think in private is another matter. Habitual swearing is another sign of a depressed, angry person. It's unattractive. The more you do it, the more it corrodes your subconscious.

7. Breast Augmentation.

Also known as a 'boob job'. These look fine, from a distance. Compared to a natural pair, they look odd. They are to real breasts what a transexual is to a 'red hot mama'; no competition. Up close, they're just not as good as the real thing. A perfectly functional piece of equipment has been turned into a cartoon joke, with possible long-term medical consequences.

Some men like small breasts. Beauty is a matter of proportion. Some women are neurotic about their appearance; nothing will please them.

A good example is ...

8. Disappearing Eyebrows.

They get plucked away to nothingness, then get drawn or tattooed back in. And this is better? One can end up looking freakish, even clown-like. Loss of hair suggests illness. Plucking out one's hair is often a sign of mental illness. Girls, desist! Don't try to gild the lily!

IMPORTANT NOTE: There are people who'll encourage you in the above. They'll say you look lovely. Misery loves company, and some people delight in the fall of others.

Be your own woman. Stand back from yourself, your life and your surroundings, and decide your own destiny.

17 Top Tips For Great Holiday Hair

When you are away from home in a different climate your hair will be subjected to weather it is not used to.

Your hair needs to be protected in the same way that you do with your skin. UV rays are very harmful to your hair affecting the pigment, strength, shine and vitality.

For your skin you take with you cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen and after-sun lotions so for your hair take shampoo, conditioner, hair sunscreen and styling products.

Cold Climate

1. Cold temperatures weaken your hair and susceptible to damage. Flyaway hair tends to be subject to static. Hair should be well conditioned and protected by wearing a hat.

2. If you have frizzy hair use a leave-in conditioner and take a deep moisturizing mask with you on holiday. All hair types will benefit from using a heat protection spray and serum to keep the elements out and keep the moisture in.

Humid climate

3. Hair expands just like it does when it is wet in a humid climate. This will make your hair fluffy or if it is curly, frizzy.

4. For all hair types, a pre-holiday deep conditioning treatment is a must to nourish the hair and seal the cuticles, as you want to prevent excess moisture from entering the hair shaft.

5. If you have fine hair use a light leave-in conditioner from mid-way down the hair to the ends and use a serum to seal the ends after blow-drying, being careful not to overdo the serum on fine hair.

6. If you have curly and/or frizzy hair then you need to seal the cuticle (the outside of your hair) to minimize the additional frizziness that results in humid weather.

7. Use a leave-in conditioner very morning. Use an anti-frizz serum to coat and seal the cuticle.

Hot and dry climate

8. The sun strips the hair of its natural oils and dry heat increases this effect. UV rays attack your hair and the resulting free radicals damage the hair. The weakened cuticle causes the hair to become dehydrated, allows the bleaching and fading of the color pigment as well as split ends.

9. To protect your hair 100 rom sun damage wear a hat!

10. Deep conditioning your hair before your holiday is essential.

11. If you have fine hair use a wash your hair with a gentle shampoo and use a light leave-in conditioner with UV protection. Use a sun-protection spray containing a UV filter to screen your hair from the effects of the sun and seawater and re-apply after going in the sea.

12. If you have curly hair use a moisturizing shampoo and a leave-in conditioner to minimize dryness. Apply a nourishing hair mask whilst you are away to deep condition your hair. Use a sun-protection spray containing a UV filter to screen your hair from the effects of the sun and seawater and re-apply after going in the sea.

13. If you have frizzy hair use a sun-protection spray containing a UV filter to screen your hair from the effects of the sun and seawater and re-apply after going in the sea.Use a rich leave-in conditioner with UV protection each morning and apply a hair mask every other day during the holiday.

14. When you have been swimming in the sea always wash the salt out afterwards.

15. Chlorine from the swimming pool is extremely damaging when combined with the effects of the sun, wet your hair in the shower before hand and protect your hair with a leave-in conditioner preferably one containing a UV filter. Wash your hair thoroughly after swimming.

16. Hair grips and bands are an extremely useful item to have on holiday and offer a quick-fix solution for hair care problems.

17. Don't forget your travel plug to ensure that you can still use your hairdryer and other electric hairstyling equipment whilst abroad.

5 Quick Tips for Great Holiday Hair and Makeup

This holiday season you might say that old fashioned glitter and glamour is back. The online beauty tips web site http://www.1-minute-beauty-diva.com has snooped out what’s hot this season: a modernized version of the old Hollywood glamour look.

Holiday Hair and Makeup Trend #1: Healthy Bronzed Skin
It may be cold and snowy out but you’ll look like you just flew in from sunny California. Achieve the look with a tinted moisturizer or bronzing powder.

Holiday Hair and Makeup Trend #2: Sparkling Eyes
Forget twinkle toes. Make your eyes the center of attention with a little sparkle. Achieve the look with glitter eye shadow and eye liner, optional: apply jeweled false eyelashes.

Holiday Hair and Makeup Trend #3: Glossy Lips
Plain lips become beautiful lips that look moist and dreamy with the right shade and lots of shine. Achieve the look with shiny lipstick in shades of pink or plum, or use a non-color gloss over a subtle shade of lipstick.

Holiday Hair and Makeup Trend #4: Upswept Hair and Loose Waves
A casual upswept do adds a bit of sophistication to your holiday look. Achieve the look by sectioning hair into two parts--below and above the ear. Twist and pin the bottom section into a tight bun. Sweep the top half back and tease out individual strands of hair. Loose waves bring back the 1930s era with style. Achieve the look with a large barrel curling iron.

Holiday Hair and Makeup Trend #5: Glitter Nails
All that glitters is golden for nails this season. Glitter adds the perfect finishing touch to beautifully manicured hands. Achieve the look with tinted or clear glitter nail polish. Or, add jeweled rhinestones to polished nails.